On Wednesday evening Tim came home around 4:45 pm from work. We still had some last minute grocery shopping that we had to do before going to the hospital. With all the shopping, eating supper and taking my last shower, we were thirty minutes late to the hospital. It didn't make a difference because the hospital staff just delivered four babies within the past hour. They were cleaning our room and it was 9:30 pm before we were allowed in our room. My first nurse did not have good bedside manners to say the least. She first numbed my left wrist so she could insert an IV for hydration and where she could draw blood. Well, she completely missed my vein. As she was inserting the needle, I very quickly expressed how it hurt and I didn't think she was doing it correctly. She continued to inject the solution before she realized that she messed up. My wrist quickly swelled up and I still, five days later, have a 3x5 inch area on my wrist that is brusied. To top that off, every time she checked my cervix, I let out a scream. Believe it or not, that was the worst pain I felt the whole time. She gave me some pills every three hours to ripen my cervix. We watched an episode of The Office on Tim's laptop before going to sleep. It was about Jan's baby shower, very appropriate. I tried to sleep but with all the liquids they pumped in me, I had to go to the bath room every thirty minutes. So I had to unhook the monitor wires for Caroline's heart beat and my contractions, take off the blood pressure band and wheel the IV cart in the bathroom with me. It was a big ordeal every time. After going to the bathroom the first time, I took the blood pressure band off and left it on the floor. I knew I wasn't going to get rest if my blood pressure was getting checked every thirteen minutes. The alarms on the machine started going off the next time the band filled up with air. Tim turned the alarms off, and they went off again during the next thirteen minutes. Then he played around with it and turned it off for good. The nurse immediately came in the room and saw what we did, but did not say anything since we pretended like we were asleep. That's what you get when you put two college graduates and Air Battle Managers in a room and they make a living by pushing buttons. By 6 am she checked my cervix again and started the Pitocin (this helps start your contractions). They came fast. I first thought I had lower back pains from the uncomfortable bed, but when that same pain spread to my abdomen and got stronger, I then realized they were contractions. This is gross to say, but I then started to feel the pain of constipation like I had never felt before. Sitting started to hurt, so I was standing and then squatting, whatever would help at moment. I gritted my teeth and grunted as Tim massaged my back. The doctor stopped to show Tim pressure point areas to massage to relieve the back pain; at this time, they didn't help at all. I then asked for the Epidural shot. I got it when I was only two centimeters dialated, but I think the Pitocin made everything come faster and harder because it hurt. All I knew was I did not have to subject myself to this pain. The combination of the labor pains and the shot going in my back were pretty bad, but it was over in no time and within a matter of a few minutes I was relaxed. I still felt pressure from the contractions but not the sharp pains. The numbness started in my legs and traveled up to my abdomen. I had to ask Tim if my foot was on the bed and if he could move it for me. My mom came to the room about 9:00am and from that point we were just chilling as I felt the pressure much like cramps, no big deal. We thought I would take awhile and Tim and I had the idea for Tim to go home and take a shower and on his way back pick up Juno, Baby Mama, and Knocked Up from Blockbuster. He left and I started talking on the phone to my siblings. While I was on the phone the nurse said she was going to check me, then she looked at me and told me I was 9 cm dialated. Only 25 minutes had passed since she last told me I was still 2 cm. I told my brother, "I'm about to have the baby and Tim is not here." I look across the room and realized he had left his phone in the room. I had no way of calling him at the house; I was so scared he would miss the birth. My brother told me to call our realtor. I did and there was no answer. Then the only other person I could call was our church because our Bible study leader is employed there and her husband knows where our house is. My brother looked up the number on the internet for me. Mind you, he is doing this from Kansas while at work. I was successful in getting her husband to go by the house immediately. Then my brother looked up the number to Blockbuster and called the manager and described Tim to him. The other Tim from our church called me to tell me no one was at the house so I knew he was on the way. Luckily, the nurse said we could hold off pushing just a little bit longer. As Tim was getting out of his car at Blockbuster the manager asked his name and said, "Get back in the car. You are about to have your baby!" Tim rushed in the room just in time, in Air Force style, to hurry up and wait. The nurse texted Dr. Wolf about my progress. She explained to Tim and my mom that they were going to hold up both of my legs as I pushed. She told me to push three sets of ten seconds as she counted for me. My first set I think I just squeezed my muscles in my head because my face got red and nothing happened. Around 11:00 am, Dr. Wolf came to watch what was happening. After watching one set, he said he was going to put on his scrubs. He then took over the pushing sessions and told me I had to push in the right location. Going to the bathroom is the best way I could describe that push. I didn't make a sound when I pushed. The hardest part was just concentrating on the right muscles. I think I pushed about 10 sets (some with four or five pushes) before she came out. It only took about 13 minutes of pushing. I had a mirror to see it all. It was so cool when I got to see the hair a few pushes before the head came out. When her head came out, it was such a relief. At 11:25 am on Thursday, October 23, 2008, Caroline Lydia Billings made her entry into the world weighing 6 lbs 7 oz. and measuring 19 inches long. She let her first little girly squeal and I fell in love. (Love at first sight unarguably does exist.) I can say of all my 28 years, it was the best day of my life, hands down. I never really understood the whole mother-child relationship until the moment I held her in her arms. I just want to stare at her all day long and hold her. Tim and I just look at her in awe of how beautiful she is and just continue to say it out loud. I think every parent feels that way about THEIR baby, no matter what. I understand why all my friends mailed me pictures of every season of their child and why they ask as soon as you say "I do" when I am planning on have a child. It is indescribable, the emotions that Caroline arouses within me. I look at her and I just want to cry because I see how precious and sweet life is, and I am so grateful that God gave her to us. I've known in my heart since I was five years old that all I wanted out of life was to be a mom. And now the adventure has begun. Many of you know my beagle Tucker and how much I love him. Within a day of having Caroline, I realized that I was going to have to give him away because of his past record of aggression and biting me. Caroline hadn't been in my life that long before Tim and I began putting her needs first. I used the think it was annoying how you hang out with a friend and everything is about their children and now I understand why they do that. I always heard that having a baby changes everything. I thought that meant the amount of time you sleep or your social life becomes non-existant. No, it means the way you see and experience life is from a whole new perspective.
I'm still recovering and doing well. We are getting the feeding routine down and Tim is getting a full night's sleep. I am getting sleep in the day and night, plenty to make me feel rested. My mom is here for the rest of the week to help out around the house (as we just moved at the beginning of the month) and to cook for us. She is amazing. I don't think I could have made it through this first hurdle without her. Thank you everyone for all your support, prayers and encouragement. The email responses mean a LOT!
Caroline Lydia Billings
Caroline's first nap.
Our first family picture.
